Well, I'm back! A stay at High Hope returned me to feeling like spunky G1, the free spirited philosopher wander woman who traipses about looking for adventure. Depressive Episode # 162 is boxed, labeled and put on the shelf with all the others. They do feel that bookended and identifiable. I came up with 162 using this formula: I'm almost 44, I started having them in my early teens and I average 3-5 a year. Anyway, glad it's over, glad I shared the rawness of it with you and glad to be moving on. I'm also very glad that some of you chose to share your personal struggles or those of a loved one with me. I honor your openness and trust.
There is a side note I want to throw in here about the internal conflict talking about the darknesses causes me. Beyond the shame issue there is the law of attraction, which I began studying and practicing about four years ago. I do believe it true that what you put your attention on (i.e. talk about) expands and draws similarly vibrating energy to it. At times I have resisted writing/talking about my depressions for fear of giving them energy. Yet, They are very real and to pretend that they don't exist would be like an alcoholic denying he has a drinking problem. I'm concluding that what matters is HOW I talk about them... In what light, with what intention. More to come on that subject.
This may be the shortest 'logue I've ever written because I have to tap it out on my iphone and my thumbs and eyeballs have had a sack full already. I have almost a complete travelogue on my laptop, but I'll be without it for the next 36 days. I'm off to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago. Considering that I'll be wearing my backpack 5-8 hrs a day and it should weigh 10% of my body weight (=10lbs) only the absolutely essential is going with me. At the ticket counter, Ole Bluetick, as I lovingly call my pack, came in at 16.5 lbs, without food or water. Woops!
Why am I tromping off to do the Camino? I can't tell you beyond I feel called and I have the time. The flights, the arrangements, the packing and the prepping have happened on autopilot. "Is this for work?" I'm asked frequently. Everything I do is for work in some way, if I choose to see it as such, because I'm sure to meet someone with connections or have some experience that will eventually lead to income. Hell, I might end up designing and leading spiritual pilgrimages on the Camino.
Some of you will recall that in 2011 when I went to see Marta (ex g-friend) before heading off to Uruguay, I did 3 days on the Camino and knew I would be back. The first morning of that walk I serendipidously met a Uruguayan woman and within a few hours we were sure that our souls had walked many a mile together in other lifetimes. She lives in Bilboa with her husband and I've decided to go see here before heading to the start of the Camino in St Jean, France. Another calling heeded.
About midway I'm jumping off the trail to visit the Spanish friend Who owns the cabana in Uruguay I stayed in last year. By that time I'll be ready for the pampering she is sure to give me.
Here's a draft of an itinerary that will have me walking 21-30 kms a day.
I have to check email every few days because of the upcoming Cuba trip and the big, fat exciting tour that one of the bazillion companies I have applied to is going to offer me. So, I'll try to send updates along the way.
And I will look forward to your messages.
Much love y hasta pronto, g
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